Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Alive.
So much puke
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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