wat bout pragnant strippers??
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
