Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
