Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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