I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
