its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
