Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
