I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
