I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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