but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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