Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
