woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Let's get the cat blown out
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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