so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
