Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
