so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
