he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
