Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
