I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize