i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
