she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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