The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
