names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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