Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
