Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
