ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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