$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
