Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
