No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
