i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
