She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
