she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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