Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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