So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
