just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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