He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
hell yes lets make some ravioli
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
