This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
