We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
