I accidentally burped into my bong.
there was a trapeze. enough said
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
