I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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