Porn is love you can see.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
