I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
