party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
