Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
