i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
