she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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