Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
