he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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