those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
