We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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