Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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