last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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