the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i think i scared a bird with my dick
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
