It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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