Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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