this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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