Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
