piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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