I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
