yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
