Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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