yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
