like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
