He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
