Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
