You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
