Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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