I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize