I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
