I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
