Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you had me at cake vodka
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
