If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize