I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
