I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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