pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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