your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The adults are the big ones right?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
