I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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