Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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