Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
