I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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